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Why Mumah Is My Best Friend

Bon Anniversaire Ma Chère Soeur


     Tragedy—the death of my beloved cousin, Mumah best friend many years ago—brought us together. The day after my cousin died, I picked up the phone and dialed Mumah’s phone number to share the sad news. While I knew of Mumah and my cousin’s friendship, I wasn’t keen on her as a person. Yet, in times of tragedy, I found myself needing to console her, the reason being that she had just returned from Cameroon to bury her mother. And here I was on the other side of the phone receiver about to deal another heavy blow to her already fragile heart. She answered the phone with a knowing. A knowing of what I was about to share as I asked if she was seated. Mumah said, “Don’t tell me Bibi is…? I responded with “I’m sorry Mumah, Bibi died yesterday.” We stayed silent for several minutes until the sobs overtook our bodies, acknowledging the pain we’d been carrying for a while, hers more than mine. Over the next several weeks, we grieved, buried Bibi and tried to move on with life as college students. Years later, our friendship grew beyond grief into sisterhood.

     Mumah’s presence in my life has fashioned opportunities for growth, and contributed tremendously to the person I am today. More than she may realize, she has exemplified maturity well beyond her years that I strife to emulate. Mumah’s calm in the face of adversity demonstrates strength at the core of her being despite the ups and downs of life. She’s not perfect, yet holds her head up above the currents of struggles, pain and hurt with a smile so bright you forget the troubles around you.
Where I can be hotheaded and running full speed ahead, Mumah quiets her mind, minds her words and speaks truth that makes me say ouch! as slow down and agree with the truth she speaks. She raises deep rooted questions that make you ponder beyond the superficial. 

     Mumah is not perfect. In fact she’s with flaws that sometimes get under my skin, like wanting to clean up after me when all I want to do is put my feet up and watch the TV. Or when she tries to mother me because she’s three years older and I have to remind her of the tiny age difference (if we really think about it, we were both still in diapers at some point in our lives) but despite her flaws, she’s my Mumah.

     My father once asked if Mumah and I were lovers and I almost answered “so what if we are?” My father is late now so I’ll honor his memory. But I loved that he asked such question because he saw our friendship—one of love and mutual respect.
Darling Mumah, we may not be romantic lovers but we share much more than that. We are sisters bonded together for far greater purposes. Though tragedy brought us together, we’ve risen far above it. We might have gone through perilous times, we came out stronger! Though we have those moments of unspoken disagreements, we reunite smiling! Though we have physical distance between us (driving to New Jersey from Maryland and vice versa can be annoying sometimes) still when duty calls, we get our buttocks into our cars and drive without a question! 
     
     As you celebrate forty years of age today, know that I love you my dear sister! In my mind, we are in Barcelona cutting your cake and dancing the night away on the streets or club or lounge or wherever in Europe! And taking pictures in Paris!! And visiting the World Health Organization (WHO) in Geneva!!!

     While our plans may have been derailed by the virus that brought the world to its knees, know that in my heart, you’re celebrated today and always. 

     Here’s a toast to your fortieth and many more birthdays!

     My heart’s desire for you today is to celebrate another forty years multiply by two with you! I wish to transfer at least a million dollars into your account (once I win that lottery I’ve been telling you about), and to see your heart’s desires granted according to God’s Will for your life!

     Bon anniversaire ma chère soeur!

Sincerely,
Latunde

By Latunde Bolarinwa June 24, 2021
Isn’t it interesting that when you conduct a google search for list of women who struggled with depression or mental illness in the Bible, the list usually consists of men and perhaps one or two women at most. Some might argue it’s because the Bible was mostly patriarchal; however, pages of Scripture are littered with stories of women…strong women who at one point in their lives endured the strains of a mental illness, whether short or long-lived. Mental Health is such a vital aspect of humanity. What makes us human isn’t merely our physical health and spiritual health. Without our mental health, we are incomplete. So it baffles me that we rarely speak about this aspect of our lives. What’s even more shocking is the stigma we (humans) place on those who struggle with an ill-health in the mental aspect of their humanity. Why is that? As I’ve always asked, if someone is diagnosed with cancer or diabetes, or high blood pressure or tooth cavity, or congestive heart failure, or found in spiritual ill-health such as lying, stealing, fornication, adultery, etc., do we automatically stigmatize those with these types of illnesses? Or do we empathize with and encourage them to seek appropriate treatment? I think most of us fall into the latter category. In the same token, those struggling with mental ill-health deserve such empathy rather than stigmatization. While the Bible describes many individuals dealing with all manners of mental illness, I want to share a few women and their plights: From the first few pages of the Bible, we read about the first family, their dysfunctions and shortcomings. Eve certainly must have endured Major Depression when her first son murdered her second son in cold blood. Then to watch that same first son being cursed and made a wanderer on earth (essentially becoming homeless, aimless and hopeless)! Many of us may not consider what Eve must have endured and though the Bible does not explicitly explain this either, we get a glimpse from the meaning of the name of another son she birthed: Seth means, “God has granted another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed.” What a trauma! (Genesis chapter 4). We don’t know Noah’s wife’s name but we are familiar with the experience their family endured—worldwide, colossal wipeout! Imagine being the wife of a man that received the task to build a world class ark/ship/boat/yacht/submarine or whatever you want to call it! Once again, I can only imagine. (Genesis chapter 6, 7,8,9) Barrenness drove Sarai, Rachel and Hannah to pull extreme stunts. Sarai going as far as upgrading her servant’s status to co-wife and imagine what happened when the said servant became pregnant by her husband, the same man she’d been having sex with for decades without success! (Genesis 16). Similarly, Hannah watched her husband impregnant her co-wife over and again while she (the most loved) remained infertile. Bible records in 1 Samuel 1: 10 that “Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.” The impact of such trauma in Hannah’s life was evident by priest Eli’s accusation ( 1 Samuel 1: 14). How can I conclude this writeup without the mention of Mary, the mother of Jesus! The horror to watch your son suspended in the air by several inches of nails in his hands and feet! Yes, she knew He was the Savior, she knew He was special, unlike the rest of her children. Still, no mother is ever prepared for such event! Again, the Bible does not discuss her mental state during and after these dark moments in the history of the world but we can only imagine that Mary stayed in bed most of those three days after Jesus had died, crying until tears dried from her eyes. The emotional toll it must have taken even long after Jesus ascended to heaven. Ever ponder about that? Amazingly, the stories of these women did not end in sorry or depression or sadness. That’s the beauty; knowing that God loves us and sees whatever we are going through. That’s why Bible verses such as Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 have a special hold on my heart. Each woman identified in this article laughed in the end: Eve gave birth to so more sons and daughters. Noah’s wife and her family survived the colossal wipeout and set their feet, once again, on dry earth! Sarai (later called Sarah) gave birth to her own child, a son for her husband! Rachel whom Jacob loved very much gave birth to two children as well! Hannah of course gave birth to Samuel, a son better than ten sons! Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus also had other sons and forever known as The Mother of our Savior! Are you a woman reading this piece and wondering why you’re going through whatever it is you’re going through, let me encourage you with this: I am on this same ship with you. You might be in the deeper end of the struggle just as I once was, and I’ll be honest, it was really dark and scary. You feel alone, lost, anxious with no ability to pray. Remember how Hannah was described? In deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed onto the Lord; yet literally, no words proceeded from her lips. Here’s my step by step guide to come out of that deep end: If in a crisis, Text “NAMI” to 741741 Call/Text: (202) 304-8793 or Email: olatundebola2017@yahoo.com Schedule an appointment with your primary care doctor Request for PHQ9 assessment Request at least two weeks or few days wellness time-off from work Call National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Depression or 1-800- 950 - NAMI (6264) Find a Support Person or Group to confidentially speak about the situation. Pray: simply dialogue with God. The only formula for praying is the Lord’s Prayer and its as simple as talking to a friend. There’s no need for perfection during this dialogue. Shalom
By Latunde Bolarinwa May 9, 2021
Motherhood isn’t just a role, it’s a destiny that starts the moment your heart, without warning, connects with another heart—usually a tiny beating heart that flutters in your stomach. For mothers who begin this destiny in-utero, your heart sings a different tune towards this unknown being slowing invading your internals. For most, it’s a happy tune, an indescribable happiness mixed with mild anxiety over the safety of this invader. Day after day, week and after week, you begin to realize that it’s your destiny to provide a safe haven for this foreigner until its arrival into this cruel world. For mothers who begin this destiny ex-utero, you’re equally preparing for a role unlike any other. Your heart sings differently than ever before, a mixture of happiness and anxiety over acceptance, connection and so much more. There’s a constant silent question in the back of every mother’s head: do I have what it takes to raise this individual? This isn’t a question of financial competencies, though that too is important. This question is at the very core, a question of fulfilling her destiny of Motherhood.
By Latunde Onabajo May 3, 2021
By design, the human body has limitations, even if at its healthiest. For example, we can only bend our arms so far before snapping the bones into two. Or the fact that the muscles of the feet are designed to grow tired after long hours of walk/running or general activities. These aren’t necessarily negative limitations; they simply the body’s way of protecting itself from breaking down to beyond repair.
By Latunde Onabajo February 25, 2021
“Then He said to the woman, ‘I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 NLT)
By Latunde Onabajo February 16, 2021
Have you ever experienced orgasm?
By Latunde Onabajo January 26, 2021
Genesis 2: 16-17 ; Genesis 3: 1-24
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