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The Woman's Innate Desire

“Then He said to the woman, ‘I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 NLT)

     Okay, so when I read this verse in the Bible, I paused for an AHA moment. Then I re-read the verse again just to ensure I read each word accurately. One of the reasons I personally love the Bible is the fact that I could read a verse or chapter multiple times and upon reading again, receive a new revelation. Genesis 3:16 is one of those verses.


     For those who aren’t familiar with this verse or the preceding story, please allow a brief summary: after Adam and the woman (who was later named Eve by Adam) ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden (The Garden of Purpose), God came to visit and realized that they had eaten the fruit. The serpent was cursed for his role in the deception, then the woman was addressed in this verse and finally, Adam was also cursed for failing to uphold God’s instructions to him.


     People mostly focus on the first part of this Bible verse which says, “I will sharpen the pain of pregnancy and in pain you will give birth” and while that shouldn’t be skimmed over easily because as a mother of two, I can say that nothing compares to the pain of pregnancy and the pain of delivery, absolutely nothing! So, I want to take this moment to applaud every woman who has ever been pregnant, birthed another human being, gone through adopting a child, surrogacy, surrogated, miscarried, looking forward to motherhood, or even experiencing monthly menstrual cycle.


     Many may not realize that these experiences are all part of the “pain of pregnancy and pain of delivery”. Biologically in humans, pregnancy is impossible without a monthly menstrual cycle.
And menstrual cycle usually comes with its bags of burden!
Once again, I commend all going through these pains. But this is not the point of this blog.


     The second part of this verse says, “And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you” (Genesis 3:16 NLT). Interestingly, many versions (KJV, NKJV, NIV, NASB, etc.) write this part like this: “your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Only three Bible versions—the NLT, EXB and NET—included the original word, TESHUQAH which in Greek translates to desire to control or “turning”.


     God highlighted this desire, but most people usually skim over it and go straight to the part that say, “but he will rule over you.” In fact, it’s a gross misinterpretation by those who think this is the permission for the man to become “the master” in his relationship/marriage. He recognized this strong, organic desire in womanhood. The desire to “nurture” or “care for” that which she loves. I don’t know any woman who loves something or someone but intentionally treats that thing poorly. When a woman loves a man, she’s going to desire to care for that man like her life depends on it. When a woman loves a child, she’s going to desire to care for that child like her life depends on it. And when a woman loves a Louboutin, oh you know she’s going to desire to care for that red bottom like her life depends on it. Why? Because the moment she feels a connection to whatever it is, her life becomes enamored by that innate desire.


     Isn’t it interesting that God didn’t rebuke the woman for having this organic, natural-born desire to control? Rather, He drew a line when it came to the desire to control her husband, reminding Eve that Adam would “rule over”. As I stated earlier, many have misinterpreted this “rule over” to mean a man can self-appoint as “master” of the woman and automatically have the final say in their relationship/marriage. I’m convinced such message didn’t come from God!


     Adam was created first. Adam was first given the commands to not eat fruits from the two trees. Adam was given the task to name all the animals. Adam was tasked to care for the garden. Adam had spent a longer time in God’s presence. Therefore, he was appointed the lead the pack based on these qualifications.

   Just as Christ defers to God the Father, though they are equal in Trinity,
Eve was reminded that she will defer to Adam, though they were equal in their relationship.


     What this deference means is that Adam is required to apply wisdom in how he responds to Eve’s desire to control. And Bible is littered with verses that encourages the man to apply the wisdom he has gleaned from his relationship with God (Proverbs 15:1, Ephesians 5:25, 28, etc.). Not that I’m making excuses for women to behave harshly towards or abuse this innate desire to control their husband. What I’m driving at is that many times, both men and women don’t even recognize that women’s desire shape their partners into the “perfect husband” or to have “a perfect home” is an intricate part of who they are. Therefore, it isn’t something to be ashamed of. However, women must recognize how this desire can overstep its boundaries into an abusive territory.


     Men often call this nagging: a woman constantly desiring to see changes in her unmarried partner or spouse; or a woman requiring that her family’s living space carries a certain look of luxury and comfort; or when a woman attempts to curb her spouse’s spending habits to achieve financial stability; these are all part of that innate desire that ought never to be shamed.  If anything, when a woman desires to control or comes across as ‘nagging’, the man ought to ask what’s prompting this innate desire in the woman and with wisdom, respond to her.


     A man who “rules over” with wisdom, loves himself. See Ephesians 5:28 for the original verse.


Shalom.

By Latunde Bolarinwa 24 Jun, 2021
Isn’t it interesting that when you conduct a google search for list of women who struggled with depression or mental illness in the Bible, the list usually consists of men and perhaps one or two women at most. Some might argue it’s because the Bible was mostly patriarchal; however, pages of Scripture are littered with stories of women…strong women who at one point in their lives endured the strains of a mental illness, whether short or long-lived. Mental Health is such a vital aspect of humanity. What makes us human isn’t merely our physical health and spiritual health. Without our mental health, we are incomplete. So it baffles me that we rarely speak about this aspect of our lives. What’s even more shocking is the stigma we (humans) place on those who struggle with an ill-health in the mental aspect of their humanity. Why is that? As I’ve always asked, if someone is diagnosed with cancer or diabetes, or high blood pressure or tooth cavity, or congestive heart failure, or found in spiritual ill-health such as lying, stealing, fornication, adultery, etc., do we automatically stigmatize those with these types of illnesses? Or do we empathize with and encourage them to seek appropriate treatment? I think most of us fall into the latter category. In the same token, those struggling with mental ill-health deserve such empathy rather than stigmatization. While the Bible describes many individuals dealing with all manners of mental illness, I want to share a few women and their plights: From the first few pages of the Bible, we read about the first family, their dysfunctions and shortcomings. Eve certainly must have endured Major Depression when her first son murdered her second son in cold blood. Then to watch that same first son being cursed and made a wanderer on earth (essentially becoming homeless, aimless and hopeless)! Many of us may not consider what Eve must have endured and though the Bible does not explicitly explain this either, we get a glimpse from the meaning of the name of another son she birthed: Seth means, “God has granted another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed.” What a trauma! (Genesis chapter 4). We don’t know Noah’s wife’s name but we are familiar with the experience their family endured—worldwide, colossal wipeout! Imagine being the wife of a man that received the task to build a world class ark/ship/boat/yacht/submarine or whatever you want to call it! Once again, I can only imagine. (Genesis chapter 6, 7,8,9) Barrenness drove Sarai, Rachel and Hannah to pull extreme stunts. Sarai going as far as upgrading her servant’s status to co-wife and imagine what happened when the said servant became pregnant by her husband, the same man she’d been having sex with for decades without success! (Genesis 16). Similarly, Hannah watched her husband impregnant her co-wife over and again while she (the most loved) remained infertile. Bible records in 1 Samuel 1: 10 that “Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.” The impact of such trauma in Hannah’s life was evident by priest Eli’s accusation ( 1 Samuel 1: 14). How can I conclude this writeup without the mention of Mary, the mother of Jesus! The horror to watch your son suspended in the air by several inches of nails in his hands and feet! Yes, she knew He was the Savior, she knew He was special, unlike the rest of her children. Still, no mother is ever prepared for such event! Again, the Bible does not discuss her mental state during and after these dark moments in the history of the world but we can only imagine that Mary stayed in bed most of those three days after Jesus had died, crying until tears dried from her eyes. The emotional toll it must have taken even long after Jesus ascended to heaven. Ever ponder about that? Amazingly, the stories of these women did not end in sorry or depression or sadness. That’s the beauty; knowing that God loves us and sees whatever we are going through. That’s why Bible verses such as Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 have a special hold on my heart. Each woman identified in this article laughed in the end: Eve gave birth to so more sons and daughters. Noah’s wife and her family survived the colossal wipeout and set their feet, once again, on dry earth! Sarai (later called Sarah) gave birth to her own child, a son for her husband! Rachel whom Jacob loved very much gave birth to two children as well! Hannah of course gave birth to Samuel, a son better than ten sons! Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus also had other sons and forever known as The Mother of our Savior! Are you a woman reading this piece and wondering why you’re going through whatever it is you’re going through, let me encourage you with this: I am on this same ship with you. You might be in the deeper end of the struggle just as I once was, and I’ll be honest, it was really dark and scary. You feel alone, lost, anxious with no ability to pray. Remember how Hannah was described? In deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed onto the Lord; yet literally, no words proceeded from her lips. Here’s my step by step guide to come out of that deep end: If in a crisis, Text “NAMI” to 741741 Call/Text: (202) 304-8793 or Email: olatundebola2017@yahoo.com Schedule an appointment with your primary care doctor Request for PHQ9 assessment Request at least two weeks or few days wellness time-off from work Call National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Depression or 1-800- 950 - NAMI (6264) Find a Support Person or Group to confidentially speak about the situation. Pray: simply dialogue with God. The only formula for praying is the Lord’s Prayer and its as simple as talking to a friend. There’s no need for perfection during this dialogue. Shalom
By Latunde Bolarinwa 09 May, 2021
Motherhood isn’t just a role, it’s a destiny that starts the moment your heart, without warning, connects with another heart—usually a tiny beating heart that flutters in your stomach. For mothers who begin this destiny in-utero, your heart sings a different tune towards this unknown being slowing invading your internals. For most, it’s a happy tune, an indescribable happiness mixed with mild anxiety over the safety of this invader. Day after day, week and after week, you begin to realize that it’s your destiny to provide a safe haven for this foreigner until its arrival into this cruel world. For mothers who begin this destiny ex-utero, you’re equally preparing for a role unlike any other. Your heart sings differently than ever before, a mixture of happiness and anxiety over acceptance, connection and so much more. There’s a constant silent question in the back of every mother’s head: do I have what it takes to raise this individual? This isn’t a question of financial competencies, though that too is important. This question is at the very core, a question of fulfilling her destiny of Motherhood.
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