Okay, so when I read this verse in the Bible, I paused for an AHA moment. Then I re-read the verse again just to ensure I read each word accurately. One of the reasons I personally love the Bible is the fact that I could read a verse or chapter multiple times and upon reading again, receive a new revelation. Genesis 3:16 is one of those verses.
For those who aren’t familiar with this verse or the preceding story, please allow a brief summary: after Adam and the woman (who was later named Eve by Adam) ate the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden (The Garden of Purpose), God came to visit and realized that they had eaten the fruit. The serpent was cursed for his role in the deception, then the woman was addressed in this verse and finally, Adam was also cursed for failing to uphold God’s instructions to him.
People mostly focus on the first part of this Bible verse which says, “I will sharpen the pain of pregnancy and in pain you will give birth” and while that shouldn’t be skimmed over easily because as a mother of two, I can say that nothing compares to the pain of pregnancy and the pain of delivery, absolutely nothing! So, I want to take this moment to applaud every woman who has ever been pregnant, birthed another human being, gone through adopting a child, surrogacy, surrogated, miscarried, looking forward to motherhood, or even experiencing monthly menstrual cycle.
The second part of this verse says, “And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you” (Genesis 3:16 NLT). Interestingly, many versions (KJV, NKJV, NIV, NASB, etc.) write this part like this: “your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” Only three Bible versions—the NLT, EXB and NET—included the original word, TESHUQAH which in Greek translates to desire to control or “turning”.
God highlighted this desire, but most people usually skim over it and go straight to the part that say, “but he will rule over you.” In fact, it’s a gross misinterpretation by those who think this is the permission for the man to become “the master” in his relationship/marriage. He recognized this strong, organic desire in womanhood. The desire to “nurture” or “care for” that which she loves. I don’t know any woman who loves something or someone but intentionally treats that thing poorly. When a woman loves a man, she’s going to desire to care for that man like her life depends on it. When a woman loves a child, she’s going to desire to care for that child like her life depends on it. And when a woman loves a Louboutin, oh you know she’s going to desire to care for that red bottom like her life depends on it. Why? Because the moment she feels a connection to whatever it is, her life becomes enamored by that innate desire.
Isn’t it interesting that God didn’t rebuke the woman for having this organic, natural-born desire to control? Rather, He drew a line when it came to the desire to control her husband, reminding Eve that Adam would “rule over”. As I stated earlier, many have misinterpreted this “rule over” to mean a man can self-appoint as “master” of the woman and automatically have the final say in their relationship/marriage. I’m convinced such message didn’t come from God!
Adam was created first. Adam was first given the commands to not eat fruits from the two trees. Adam was given the task to name all the animals. Adam was tasked to care for the garden. Adam had spent a longer time in God’s presence. Therefore, he was appointed the lead the pack based on these qualifications.
What this deference means is that Adam is required to apply wisdom in how he responds to Eve’s desire to control. And Bible is littered with verses that encourages the man to apply the wisdom he has gleaned from his relationship with God (Proverbs 15:1, Ephesians 5:25, 28, etc.). Not that I’m making excuses for women to behave harshly towards or abuse this innate desire to control their husband. What I’m driving at is that many times, both men and women don’t even recognize that women’s desire shape their partners into the “perfect husband” or to have “a perfect home” is an intricate part of who they are. Therefore, it isn’t something to be ashamed of. However, women must recognize how this desire can overstep its boundaries into an abusive territory.
Men often call this nagging: a woman constantly desiring to see changes in her unmarried partner or spouse; or a woman requiring that her family’s living space carries a certain look of luxury and comfort; or when a woman attempts to curb her spouse’s spending habits to achieve financial stability; these are all part of that innate desire that ought never to be shamed. If anything, when a woman desires to control or comes across as ‘nagging’, the man ought to ask what’s prompting this innate desire in the woman and with wisdom, respond to her.
A man who “rules over” with wisdom, loves himself. See Ephesians 5:28 for the original verse.
Shalom.