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We Don’t Always Get What We Wish For And That’s A Good Thing

     I was elated to discover I was pregnant a second time but like clockwork, the all-day sickness started almost immediately. Whoever (my bet is on a man) called it "morning sickness" should be fired…I digress! The all-day sickness was so severe that I ended up in the emergency room with IV bag attached to my arm and prescription drug to curb the vomiting. Hyperemesis Gravidarum was the diagnosis the doctor wrote in my chart. She advised me to rest, eat crackers and drink lots of fluid. I was so sick and weak that I could not brush my teeth without heaving up a storm of digested crackers and fluids I had drunk the night before. Within 6 weeks, I had lost more than 10 pounds. Because of the nature of my illness, the pregnancy couldn’t be kept a secret for long. Families and friends soon knew we were expecting again.

     But while they were excited that I was expecting a second time, in the quiet of heart, I wished for something else. I didn’t have the strength to continue waking up each day experiencing the terrible taste of vomit in my throat and on my tongue. I dreaded the unbearable headache that was to befall me as soon as my eyes opened at the crack of day. The aches in my bones pierced my muscles like a sword piercing into the heart of an enemy! My body yearned for calm from the storm raging within yet, everyone around me rejoiced at the news of my pregnancy. 

     As I sat in bed on that fateful morning after I had endured a bout of projectile expulsion from my mouth, I prayed for a miscarriage! You read right! I asked God to please cause a loss of the pregnancy because at the time, I could no longer endure the pain! In my myopic mind, I figured another pregnancy would come along! In fact, I believed that God wouldn’t allow his daughter go through such "torture" while pregnant. Looking back now, how foolish of me to pray such. Yet, I empathize with my pregnant self because it was truly terrible. 

     We go through situations that are at times difficult and in those moments, we pray to God or make wishes based on our emotions. Because we are limited in our human understanding, we often don’t realize how our prayers/wishes affect our future or the future of our loved ones. Whatever the situation and as horrible as it may seem, I want to encourage you to pray/wish for God’s Will to be done. Wish for the best and not the worst. 

     Thank goodness we don’t always get what we wish for. In my case, I didn’t have a miscarriage. In fact, I went a week over my expected due date and was still induced for labor. When my precious bundle (a whole 9 pounds!) of joy arrived, she was quiet and observant rather than cry like most newborns do. Even the doctors were amazed at how observant and healthy she was. We left the hospital two days later and I was amazed at how the time had flown by. She was an incredibly easy baby: sleeping through the night by the second month. My precious bundle rolled, sat, stood, walked, and talked much earlier than her peers. 

     It’s been more than 5 years and my precious daughter still amazes me! Each time I look at her, my heart swells with love, unconditional love. I call her my teddy bear because she is God’s second blessing to complete my journey into motherhood. Each call of her name is a pronouncement that God is good to me!

     Without a shadow of doubt, I know God has a grand plan for my daughter, a plan much bigger than my small mind can ever comprehend and I thank God every single day for that. Indeed, “no eye has seen, no ear has heard and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him” I Corinthians 2:9. I don’t know what the future holds for my daughter but this much I’m assured, God will never allow unholy prayers answered against her. If I, as her mother and in my ignorance prayed such reckless prayer (for which I’ve asked forgiveness and I am forgiven), I am certain that no weapon formed against her will ever prosper in Jesus name!

     Dear readers, the gist of this long post is to always pray in God’s Will even in difficult situations and thank Him for not answering some of our prayers!

Shalom

By Latunde Bolarinwa June 24, 2021
Isn’t it interesting that when you conduct a google search for list of women who struggled with depression or mental illness in the Bible, the list usually consists of men and perhaps one or two women at most. Some might argue it’s because the Bible was mostly patriarchal; however, pages of Scripture are littered with stories of women…strong women who at one point in their lives endured the strains of a mental illness, whether short or long-lived. Mental Health is such a vital aspect of humanity. What makes us human isn’t merely our physical health and spiritual health. Without our mental health, we are incomplete. So it baffles me that we rarely speak about this aspect of our lives. What’s even more shocking is the stigma we (humans) place on those who struggle with an ill-health in the mental aspect of their humanity. Why is that? As I’ve always asked, if someone is diagnosed with cancer or diabetes, or high blood pressure or tooth cavity, or congestive heart failure, or found in spiritual ill-health such as lying, stealing, fornication, adultery, etc., do we automatically stigmatize those with these types of illnesses? Or do we empathize with and encourage them to seek appropriate treatment? I think most of us fall into the latter category. In the same token, those struggling with mental ill-health deserve such empathy rather than stigmatization. While the Bible describes many individuals dealing with all manners of mental illness, I want to share a few women and their plights: From the first few pages of the Bible, we read about the first family, their dysfunctions and shortcomings. Eve certainly must have endured Major Depression when her first son murdered her second son in cold blood. Then to watch that same first son being cursed and made a wanderer on earth (essentially becoming homeless, aimless and hopeless)! Many of us may not consider what Eve must have endured and though the Bible does not explicitly explain this either, we get a glimpse from the meaning of the name of another son she birthed: Seth means, “God has granted another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed.” What a trauma! (Genesis chapter 4). We don’t know Noah’s wife’s name but we are familiar with the experience their family endured—worldwide, colossal wipeout! Imagine being the wife of a man that received the task to build a world class ark/ship/boat/yacht/submarine or whatever you want to call it! Once again, I can only imagine. (Genesis chapter 6, 7,8,9) Barrenness drove Sarai, Rachel and Hannah to pull extreme stunts. Sarai going as far as upgrading her servant’s status to co-wife and imagine what happened when the said servant became pregnant by her husband, the same man she’d been having sex with for decades without success! (Genesis 16). Similarly, Hannah watched her husband impregnant her co-wife over and again while she (the most loved) remained infertile. Bible records in 1 Samuel 1: 10 that “Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.” The impact of such trauma in Hannah’s life was evident by priest Eli’s accusation ( 1 Samuel 1: 14). How can I conclude this writeup without the mention of Mary, the mother of Jesus! The horror to watch your son suspended in the air by several inches of nails in his hands and feet! Yes, she knew He was the Savior, she knew He was special, unlike the rest of her children. Still, no mother is ever prepared for such event! Again, the Bible does not discuss her mental state during and after these dark moments in the history of the world but we can only imagine that Mary stayed in bed most of those three days after Jesus had died, crying until tears dried from her eyes. The emotional toll it must have taken even long after Jesus ascended to heaven. Ever ponder about that? Amazingly, the stories of these women did not end in sorry or depression or sadness. That’s the beauty; knowing that God loves us and sees whatever we are going through. That’s why Bible verses such as Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 have a special hold on my heart. Each woman identified in this article laughed in the end: Eve gave birth to so more sons and daughters. Noah’s wife and her family survived the colossal wipeout and set their feet, once again, on dry earth! Sarai (later called Sarah) gave birth to her own child, a son for her husband! Rachel whom Jacob loved very much gave birth to two children as well! Hannah of course gave birth to Samuel, a son better than ten sons! Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus also had other sons and forever known as The Mother of our Savior! Are you a woman reading this piece and wondering why you’re going through whatever it is you’re going through, let me encourage you with this: I am on this same ship with you. You might be in the deeper end of the struggle just as I once was, and I’ll be honest, it was really dark and scary. You feel alone, lost, anxious with no ability to pray. Remember how Hannah was described? In deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed onto the Lord; yet literally, no words proceeded from her lips. Here’s my step by step guide to come out of that deep end: If in a crisis, Text “NAMI” to 741741 Call/Text: (202) 304-8793 or Email: olatundebola2017@yahoo.com Schedule an appointment with your primary care doctor Request for PHQ9 assessment Request at least two weeks or few days wellness time-off from work Call National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Depression or 1-800- 950 - NAMI (6264) Find a Support Person or Group to confidentially speak about the situation. Pray: simply dialogue with God. The only formula for praying is the Lord’s Prayer and its as simple as talking to a friend. There’s no need for perfection during this dialogue. Shalom
By Latunde Bolarinwa May 9, 2021
Motherhood isn’t just a role, it’s a destiny that starts the moment your heart, without warning, connects with another heart—usually a tiny beating heart that flutters in your stomach. For mothers who begin this destiny in-utero, your heart sings a different tune towards this unknown being slowing invading your internals. For most, it’s a happy tune, an indescribable happiness mixed with mild anxiety over the safety of this invader. Day after day, week and after week, you begin to realize that it’s your destiny to provide a safe haven for this foreigner until its arrival into this cruel world. For mothers who begin this destiny ex-utero, you’re equally preparing for a role unlike any other. Your heart sings differently than ever before, a mixture of happiness and anxiety over acceptance, connection and so much more. There’s a constant silent question in the back of every mother’s head: do I have what it takes to raise this individual? This isn’t a question of financial competencies, though that too is important. This question is at the very core, a question of fulfilling her destiny of Motherhood.
By Latunde Onabajo May 3, 2021
By design, the human body has limitations, even if at its healthiest. For example, we can only bend our arms so far before snapping the bones into two. Or the fact that the muscles of the feet are designed to grow tired after long hours of walk/running or general activities. These aren’t necessarily negative limitations; they simply the body’s way of protecting itself from breaking down to beyond repair.
By Latunde Onabajo February 25, 2021
“Then He said to the woman, ‘I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 NLT)
By Latunde Onabajo February 16, 2021
Have you ever experienced orgasm?
By Latunde Onabajo January 26, 2021
Genesis 2: 16-17 ; Genesis 3: 1-24
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