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The Act of Thanks and Giving

The Period between Thanksgiving and Christmas

2019 Thanksgiving just wrapped up in the United States of America. As we gathered, many of us shared our reasons for being grateful this year. We ate and had our fill. We spent time with family members and/or with friends, caught up on what's been going on throughout the year (and things have been going on in America, if you get my drift!). Some got engaged; others broke the news of a pending divorce. For some, it was an anniversary of a birth, death or tragedy. All in all, November 28, 2019 came and has gone until the following year. 
Next on our agenda: the almighty Christmas!

As we approach Wednesday, December 25th, I can't help but think about the many things on my girls' Christmas list. They want this and that, and are working tirelessly to remain on Santa's Nice list. They expect a very nice package from him under the Christmas tree.

My 7.5year old daughter has several lists she's been writing since the summer. "I want Santa to get my list early so he doesn't forget the things I really really need for Christmas," she said. 

At first, I thought how cute but realized (again), I am the Santa. I am the one expected to make those purchases. I am the one expected to wrap those gifts and make sure they fit under the tree. I am the Elf who must ensure Santa delivers those items on her never-ending list. 
In that moment, I threw my hands up in the air for a time-out and sat down with my daughters. Then I asked the following questions:
1. Where are your gifts from last Christmas?
2. How often do you play with or use those gifts?
3. How many of those dolls do you already have?

By the time we concluded our session, we both realized very important lessons: my daughters thought I was the meanest Elf out there! Praise heavens I got my message across! 

And I realized how frivolous buying multiple gifts for children is not because they really need them but because they see these ads and want these material things to fulfill their fleeting desires! 

Young children can barely distinguish between needs and wants. And toy companies know this truth so they capitalize on our children's desire for everything that captivates their eyes because they know that their googly eyes will unlock the hormones in our brain that keeps us from saying NO to our children.

A few recent studies in 2019 found that people are taking out more loans to meet their holiday shopping expenses (please read again). People. Are. Taking. Out. More. Loans. To. Meet. Their. Shopping. Expenses. I hope none of my readers are one of “those people” and if you are, please elaborate your reasons in the comment section below. 

Rather than cancel all the items on my daughters' list (that would really make me the meanest Elf in the world!), I used that as a learning opportunity: The Act of Giving.

This Christmas, both my girls will donate their gently used toys and clothes before they receive another on Christmas Day. They are both excited to give away those teddys and toys and clothes and shoes they no longer need. In return they will receive a toy we both agree balances between their needs and wants. Oh, and there's a spending limit too.

All in all, the goal is to teach my daughters that it is more blessed to give than receive and that life is much more than gathering of material things that are today here and tomorrow no more. Above all, I want to guide my daughters to appreciate life and others around them. I want them to grow up understanding that by giving (of their time, their love, their smile, their kindness,) to others they are sowing seeds that live forever. It's the best gift that keeps giving!

Shalom
By Latunde Bolarinwa June 24, 2021
Isn’t it interesting that when you conduct a google search for list of women who struggled with depression or mental illness in the Bible, the list usually consists of men and perhaps one or two women at most. Some might argue it’s because the Bible was mostly patriarchal; however, pages of Scripture are littered with stories of women…strong women who at one point in their lives endured the strains of a mental illness, whether short or long-lived. Mental Health is such a vital aspect of humanity. What makes us human isn’t merely our physical health and spiritual health. Without our mental health, we are incomplete. So it baffles me that we rarely speak about this aspect of our lives. What’s even more shocking is the stigma we (humans) place on those who struggle with an ill-health in the mental aspect of their humanity. Why is that? As I’ve always asked, if someone is diagnosed with cancer or diabetes, or high blood pressure or tooth cavity, or congestive heart failure, or found in spiritual ill-health such as lying, stealing, fornication, adultery, etc., do we automatically stigmatize those with these types of illnesses? Or do we empathize with and encourage them to seek appropriate treatment? I think most of us fall into the latter category. In the same token, those struggling with mental ill-health deserve such empathy rather than stigmatization. While the Bible describes many individuals dealing with all manners of mental illness, I want to share a few women and their plights: From the first few pages of the Bible, we read about the first family, their dysfunctions and shortcomings. Eve certainly must have endured Major Depression when her first son murdered her second son in cold blood. Then to watch that same first son being cursed and made a wanderer on earth (essentially becoming homeless, aimless and hopeless)! Many of us may not consider what Eve must have endured and though the Bible does not explicitly explain this either, we get a glimpse from the meaning of the name of another son she birthed: Seth means, “God has granted another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed.” What a trauma! (Genesis chapter 4). We don’t know Noah’s wife’s name but we are familiar with the experience their family endured—worldwide, colossal wipeout! Imagine being the wife of a man that received the task to build a world class ark/ship/boat/yacht/submarine or whatever you want to call it! Once again, I can only imagine. (Genesis chapter 6, 7,8,9) Barrenness drove Sarai, Rachel and Hannah to pull extreme stunts. Sarai going as far as upgrading her servant’s status to co-wife and imagine what happened when the said servant became pregnant by her husband, the same man she’d been having sex with for decades without success! (Genesis 16). Similarly, Hannah watched her husband impregnant her co-wife over and again while she (the most loved) remained infertile. Bible records in 1 Samuel 1: 10 that “Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.” The impact of such trauma in Hannah’s life was evident by priest Eli’s accusation ( 1 Samuel 1: 14). How can I conclude this writeup without the mention of Mary, the mother of Jesus! The horror to watch your son suspended in the air by several inches of nails in his hands and feet! Yes, she knew He was the Savior, she knew He was special, unlike the rest of her children. Still, no mother is ever prepared for such event! Again, the Bible does not discuss her mental state during and after these dark moments in the history of the world but we can only imagine that Mary stayed in bed most of those three days after Jesus had died, crying until tears dried from her eyes. The emotional toll it must have taken even long after Jesus ascended to heaven. Ever ponder about that? Amazingly, the stories of these women did not end in sorry or depression or sadness. That’s the beauty; knowing that God loves us and sees whatever we are going through. That’s why Bible verses such as Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 have a special hold on my heart. Each woman identified in this article laughed in the end: Eve gave birth to so more sons and daughters. Noah’s wife and her family survived the colossal wipeout and set their feet, once again, on dry earth! Sarai (later called Sarah) gave birth to her own child, a son for her husband! Rachel whom Jacob loved very much gave birth to two children as well! Hannah of course gave birth to Samuel, a son better than ten sons! Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus also had other sons and forever known as The Mother of our Savior! Are you a woman reading this piece and wondering why you’re going through whatever it is you’re going through, let me encourage you with this: I am on this same ship with you. You might be in the deeper end of the struggle just as I once was, and I’ll be honest, it was really dark and scary. You feel alone, lost, anxious with no ability to pray. Remember how Hannah was described? In deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed onto the Lord; yet literally, no words proceeded from her lips. Here’s my step by step guide to come out of that deep end: If in a crisis, Text “NAMI” to 741741 Call/Text: (202) 304-8793 or Email: olatundebola2017@yahoo.com Schedule an appointment with your primary care doctor Request for PHQ9 assessment Request at least two weeks or few days wellness time-off from work Call National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Depression or 1-800- 950 - NAMI (6264) Find a Support Person or Group to confidentially speak about the situation. Pray: simply dialogue with God. The only formula for praying is the Lord’s Prayer and its as simple as talking to a friend. There’s no need for perfection during this dialogue. Shalom
By Latunde Bolarinwa May 9, 2021
Motherhood isn’t just a role, it’s a destiny that starts the moment your heart, without warning, connects with another heart—usually a tiny beating heart that flutters in your stomach. For mothers who begin this destiny in-utero, your heart sings a different tune towards this unknown being slowing invading your internals. For most, it’s a happy tune, an indescribable happiness mixed with mild anxiety over the safety of this invader. Day after day, week and after week, you begin to realize that it’s your destiny to provide a safe haven for this foreigner until its arrival into this cruel world. For mothers who begin this destiny ex-utero, you’re equally preparing for a role unlike any other. Your heart sings differently than ever before, a mixture of happiness and anxiety over acceptance, connection and so much more. There’s a constant silent question in the back of every mother’s head: do I have what it takes to raise this individual? This isn’t a question of financial competencies, though that too is important. This question is at the very core, a question of fulfilling her destiny of Motherhood.
By Latunde Onabajo May 3, 2021
By design, the human body has limitations, even if at its healthiest. For example, we can only bend our arms so far before snapping the bones into two. Or the fact that the muscles of the feet are designed to grow tired after long hours of walk/running or general activities. These aren’t necessarily negative limitations; they simply the body’s way of protecting itself from breaking down to beyond repair.
By Latunde Onabajo February 25, 2021
“Then He said to the woman, ‘I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 NLT)
By Latunde Onabajo February 16, 2021
Have you ever experienced orgasm?
By Latunde Onabajo January 26, 2021
Genesis 2: 16-17 ; Genesis 3: 1-24
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