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PARENTING DURING COVID-19

Don't Pull Your Hair Yet!

Raise your hand if you’re a mom and you’re exhausted from:
1. Distant Learning with children?
2. Having the children at home all day (I love them but…)?
3. Having children at home all day practically screaming “I’m hungry mommy” every 15 minutes?
4. Working , cleaning the house, and cooking more?

Now raise your hand if you teetered between cutting your hair, becoming a firm believer in turbans, scarves and the ever faithful wigs! Hundreds of thousands of hands and feet just went up so congratulations to you reading this blog, you’ve joined a very special group of very special individuals on planet earth!

Jokes aside, the last few months have been testing to say the least. In light of COVID-19, parents globally were unexpectedly inundated with not only parenting (which in itself is tough) but teaching…academically. Can I just take a moment to lament about the mathematics ‘they’ teach children these days? 
75% of that stuff, I don’t understand and for crying out loud, I’m a Masters Degree graduate! What’s that about? Anyway, I digress.

Whether you’ve become a teacher to one or more children (even preschoolers), I know it can be physically, mentally and socially exhausting to add such role to an already filled plate that we mothers carry on a daily basis. I wish there was a wand I could wave to make all these exhaustion disappear but as we both know, those only happen in Disney movies! *sigh*

Notwithstanding, I’m a firm believer in striking a healthy balance which may look different for many moms but here are a few of what I practice to make my day a little less chaotic and I hope it helps one or two moms out there:

1. Create a Realistic Assignment Schedule for those little ras…um, I mean children: In my household, both my daughters have about 12 subjects they are required to submit weekly assignments for. 
I created a school schedule with three classes each day between 9am – 3pm (that’s 2 hours per subject) and leave Friday open for any work not completed by Thursday. This gives everyone a nice easy pace to follow for the week. Giving the girls 2 hours to work on each subject gives me sufficient time to do my work without being often interrupted. Following this routine gives ample time to submit all assignments by Friday evening then everyone can relax on the weekend. 

2. Tomorrow Is Another Opportunity: On days my ras…um, pardon me again…I meant children! On days my children don’t adhere to schedule, I chant my mantra, “if the LORD wills, tomorrow is another day to try again.” Whilst this may sound like procrastination (perhaps to an extent), I’ve found it helpful to take away the immediate anxiety that comes with wanting to get so much done and realizing that there are only a few hours left in the day! Many times we "procrastinate" till the following day and sometimes only for a few hours. 

3. Close The Book and Ask The Child: When I notice my daughter ‘dance’ around instead of focus on their work, I sometimes simply ask what they are feeling in that moment. I know this may sound like you’re adding the role of therapist to your already filled plate but asking your child this question could save a ton of time and energy to help them refocus later. Many times, because children are cooped up in the house, they may feel restless, anxious, etc but not know how to express themselves. By helping them navigate their thoughts, you could erase hours of futile attempts to solve those pesky math problems.

4. Leave The House: Please read this in its entirety. Again, in light of COVID-19, our first priority is to protect ourselves and family so I encourage you to always have your Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) which includes masks, gloves, etc., every time you leave the house. Many times, I’ve bundled my girls into the car for a neighborhood drive around. We started this tradition of driving to neighborhoods in our Bowie city that we’ve never visited to check out residential houses and let me tell you, they have some really nice houses in Bowie! While seated in the car, my daughters and I daydream about what the inside of ours would look like if we owned one of those mansions. Doing this at least once or twice a week takes our mind off school work.

The list is endless. You can take away from the above list or add yours in the comment section below.

Parenting is hard! Parenting, teaching and counseling can be a hair pulling experience but it doesn’t have to be. Just like the Bible encourages us to “train up a child in the way he/she should go…” (Proverbs 22:6), I want to encourage us that we are not expected to raise perfect children because there’s no such thing (only Jesus was and will ever be!). We won’t always have healthy dinners or perfect scores on the assignment or fresh clothes laid out every morning or shower everyday (jury is still out on this one), etc. As parents, in those moments that things might seem or become overwhelming, please ask yourself these questions:
1. What’s the worst that could happen if assignment (or whatever) is not completed now?
2. How will completing this task NOW impact my family versus if completed at a later time?
3. Have I taken a deep breath lately? When was the last time I danced to my favorite song or exercised or sang off-key in the shower? 

Whatever the situation, these questions might seem silly and inefficient but what you're really asking yourself is simply this: How will this current challenge change my world today, tomorrow or forever? If you can honestly answer this question, I believe you are onto a new path of stress-reduced living.

Shalom

By Latunde Bolarinwa 24 Jun, 2021
Isn’t it interesting that when you conduct a google search for list of women who struggled with depression or mental illness in the Bible, the list usually consists of men and perhaps one or two women at most. Some might argue it’s because the Bible was mostly patriarchal; however, pages of Scripture are littered with stories of women…strong women who at one point in their lives endured the strains of a mental illness, whether short or long-lived. Mental Health is such a vital aspect of humanity. What makes us human isn’t merely our physical health and spiritual health. Without our mental health, we are incomplete. So it baffles me that we rarely speak about this aspect of our lives. What’s even more shocking is the stigma we (humans) place on those who struggle with an ill-health in the mental aspect of their humanity. Why is that? As I’ve always asked, if someone is diagnosed with cancer or diabetes, or high blood pressure or tooth cavity, or congestive heart failure, or found in spiritual ill-health such as lying, stealing, fornication, adultery, etc., do we automatically stigmatize those with these types of illnesses? Or do we empathize with and encourage them to seek appropriate treatment? I think most of us fall into the latter category. In the same token, those struggling with mental ill-health deserve such empathy rather than stigmatization. While the Bible describes many individuals dealing with all manners of mental illness, I want to share a few women and their plights: From the first few pages of the Bible, we read about the first family, their dysfunctions and shortcomings. Eve certainly must have endured Major Depression when her first son murdered her second son in cold blood. Then to watch that same first son being cursed and made a wanderer on earth (essentially becoming homeless, aimless and hopeless)! Many of us may not consider what Eve must have endured and though the Bible does not explicitly explain this either, we get a glimpse from the meaning of the name of another son she birthed: Seth means, “God has granted another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed.” What a trauma! (Genesis chapter 4). We don’t know Noah’s wife’s name but we are familiar with the experience their family endured—worldwide, colossal wipeout! Imagine being the wife of a man that received the task to build a world class ark/ship/boat/yacht/submarine or whatever you want to call it! Once again, I can only imagine. (Genesis chapter 6, 7,8,9) Barrenness drove Sarai, Rachel and Hannah to pull extreme stunts. Sarai going as far as upgrading her servant’s status to co-wife and imagine what happened when the said servant became pregnant by her husband, the same man she’d been having sex with for decades without success! (Genesis 16). Similarly, Hannah watched her husband impregnant her co-wife over and again while she (the most loved) remained infertile. Bible records in 1 Samuel 1: 10 that “Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.” The impact of such trauma in Hannah’s life was evident by priest Eli’s accusation ( 1 Samuel 1: 14). How can I conclude this writeup without the mention of Mary, the mother of Jesus! The horror to watch your son suspended in the air by several inches of nails in his hands and feet! Yes, she knew He was the Savior, she knew He was special, unlike the rest of her children. Still, no mother is ever prepared for such event! Again, the Bible does not discuss her mental state during and after these dark moments in the history of the world but we can only imagine that Mary stayed in bed most of those three days after Jesus had died, crying until tears dried from her eyes. The emotional toll it must have taken even long after Jesus ascended to heaven. Ever ponder about that? Amazingly, the stories of these women did not end in sorry or depression or sadness. That’s the beauty; knowing that God loves us and sees whatever we are going through. That’s why Bible verses such as Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 have a special hold on my heart. Each woman identified in this article laughed in the end: Eve gave birth to so more sons and daughters. Noah’s wife and her family survived the colossal wipeout and set their feet, once again, on dry earth! Sarai (later called Sarah) gave birth to her own child, a son for her husband! Rachel whom Jacob loved very much gave birth to two children as well! Hannah of course gave birth to Samuel, a son better than ten sons! Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus also had other sons and forever known as The Mother of our Savior! Are you a woman reading this piece and wondering why you’re going through whatever it is you’re going through, let me encourage you with this: I am on this same ship with you. You might be in the deeper end of the struggle just as I once was, and I’ll be honest, it was really dark and scary. You feel alone, lost, anxious with no ability to pray. Remember how Hannah was described? In deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed onto the Lord; yet literally, no words proceeded from her lips. Here’s my step by step guide to come out of that deep end: If in a crisis, Text “NAMI” to 741741 Call/Text: (202) 304-8793 or Email: olatundebola2017@yahoo.com Schedule an appointment with your primary care doctor Request for PHQ9 assessment Request at least two weeks or few days wellness time-off from work Call National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Depression or 1-800- 950 - NAMI (6264) Find a Support Person or Group to confidentially speak about the situation. Pray: simply dialogue with God. The only formula for praying is the Lord’s Prayer and its as simple as talking to a friend. There’s no need for perfection during this dialogue. Shalom
By Latunde Bolarinwa 09 May, 2021
Motherhood isn’t just a role, it’s a destiny that starts the moment your heart, without warning, connects with another heart—usually a tiny beating heart that flutters in your stomach. For mothers who begin this destiny in-utero, your heart sings a different tune towards this unknown being slowing invading your internals. For most, it’s a happy tune, an indescribable happiness mixed with mild anxiety over the safety of this invader. Day after day, week and after week, you begin to realize that it’s your destiny to provide a safe haven for this foreigner until its arrival into this cruel world. For mothers who begin this destiny ex-utero, you’re equally preparing for a role unlike any other. Your heart sings differently than ever before, a mixture of happiness and anxiety over acceptance, connection and so much more. There’s a constant silent question in the back of every mother’s head: do I have what it takes to raise this individual? This isn’t a question of financial competencies, though that too is important. This question is at the very core, a question of fulfilling her destiny of Motherhood.
By Latunde Onabajo 03 May, 2021
By design, the human body has limitations, even if at its healthiest. For example, we can only bend our arms so far before snapping the bones into two. Or the fact that the muscles of the feet are designed to grow tired after long hours of walk/running or general activities. These aren’t necessarily negative limitations; they simply the body’s way of protecting itself from breaking down to beyond repair.
By Latunde Onabajo 25 Feb, 2021
“Then He said to the woman, ‘I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 NLT)
By Latunde Onabajo 16 Feb, 2021
Have you ever experienced orgasm?
By Latunde Onabajo 26 Jan, 2021
Genesis 2: 16-17 ; Genesis 3: 1-24
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