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A Learning Moment

A Learning Moment

The other day, my almost 8 years old daughter came into my room and said, “Mommy, look at my tattoo!” I might have given myself a whiplash from sharply turning my neck in her direction to see  the display on her lower right leg written, “Love, heart shape, Love”. 
Inwardly, the cells in my body collectively sang awwwwww, this is so cute. Outwardly, my nostrils flared to take a deep breath and the voice in my head said, “Don’t be upset…this is a teaching moment.” I said a quick “Thank You Holy Spirit” and proceeded to inspect the art work. Not going to lie, her penmanship was awesome! 

After inspection, I cleared my throat and the following dialogue ensued:
Me: Princess, why did you draw this on your body? I’m curious, what did you draw with?
Almost 8 years old: Because I like tattoos mommy. They are cool. I used my black marker.
Me: (Takes another very deep breath). Really? I don’t think they are cool but tell me why you think they are.
Almost 8 years old: Yes mommy they are really cool. I saw tiny tattoos on my teachers' hands from my previous school and they look really nice. Makes them look special.
Me: Oh! teachers from your previous school, huh? Interesting. But do you know how they get the tattoos on their body?
Almost 8 years old: Of course they use black pens and markers just like I did.
Me: No sweetheart they don’t use pens or black markers. They use a machine that injects the ink into the skin. That’s why tattoos don’t wash away.
Almost 8 years old: Really? I thought you could just draw with a pen and that’s it. So how do they inject the ink?
Me: (Proceeds to YouTube to search a video of someone being tattooed). Now before I show you this video, I want you to know that I am not upset with you for drawing this tattoo but I don’t approve of it. You’re too young. I also want you to know that when you’re older, you will have many decisions to make about your body; always remember that it is God’s temple so treat it with care, okay?
Almost 8 years old: Yes mommy. 
We watched the video (muted) and saw as the heavily tattooed gentleman arranged his tools on the table. He inserted a long needle-like tip into the machine and began working on his client. 
Me: Do you see that they don’t use pens or markers to draw tattoos on people? Did you see the long thing that looks like a needle? They use that to make tiny cuts on the skin and inject the ink. 
Almost 8 years old: Does that not hurt when they cut the skin? I don’t want to hurt myself.
Me: (We’re getting somewhere Lord Jesus!). I don’t have any tattoos but I can imagine if they poke my skin with a needle, it would bleed and hurt. So that’s how your teachers and anyone who has a tattoo got theirs.
Almost 8 years old: I don’t think I want to draw tattoos anymore. I didn’t know they use needles to make tattoos.
Me: Well, as my young daughter I don’t approve of you drawing tattoos on yourself but when you’re older and able to make your own decisions, it is important to always pray about your choices and if necessary, talk to me about it. All I want for you is the very best but even I don’t always know what that is. Right now, I do know getting a tattoo at your age is a big no no! Okay?
Almost 8 years old: Alright mommy. Can I go play now?
I hugged my daughter, said a quick prayer and she returned to playing with her sister and friend.

I was so grateful for the learning opportunity that I smiled and returned to my chores rest assured that the Holy Spirit had ministered to my daughter’s heart as well. I kid you not, by the next day, her leg was spotless, no marking or indication that she’d drawn a ‘tattoo’ the previous day. I didn’t ask any questions however, I imagined the outcome if I had responded differently to this important topic. 

Also, what's the difference between her drawing a tattoo on her leg and getting a face painting of a beautiful butterfly at a birthday party?

I’m curious to know if you would have responded differently. Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Shalom

By Latunde Bolarinwa 24 Jun, 2021
Isn’t it interesting that when you conduct a google search for list of women who struggled with depression or mental illness in the Bible, the list usually consists of men and perhaps one or two women at most. Some might argue it’s because the Bible was mostly patriarchal; however, pages of Scripture are littered with stories of women…strong women who at one point in their lives endured the strains of a mental illness, whether short or long-lived. Mental Health is such a vital aspect of humanity. What makes us human isn’t merely our physical health and spiritual health. Without our mental health, we are incomplete. So it baffles me that we rarely speak about this aspect of our lives. What’s even more shocking is the stigma we (humans) place on those who struggle with an ill-health in the mental aspect of their humanity. Why is that? As I’ve always asked, if someone is diagnosed with cancer or diabetes, or high blood pressure or tooth cavity, or congestive heart failure, or found in spiritual ill-health such as lying, stealing, fornication, adultery, etc., do we automatically stigmatize those with these types of illnesses? Or do we empathize with and encourage them to seek appropriate treatment? I think most of us fall into the latter category. In the same token, those struggling with mental ill-health deserve such empathy rather than stigmatization. While the Bible describes many individuals dealing with all manners of mental illness, I want to share a few women and their plights: From the first few pages of the Bible, we read about the first family, their dysfunctions and shortcomings. Eve certainly must have endured Major Depression when her first son murdered her second son in cold blood. Then to watch that same first son being cursed and made a wanderer on earth (essentially becoming homeless, aimless and hopeless)! Many of us may not consider what Eve must have endured and though the Bible does not explicitly explain this either, we get a glimpse from the meaning of the name of another son she birthed: Seth means, “God has granted another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed.” What a trauma! (Genesis chapter 4). We don’t know Noah’s wife’s name but we are familiar with the experience their family endured—worldwide, colossal wipeout! Imagine being the wife of a man that received the task to build a world class ark/ship/boat/yacht/submarine or whatever you want to call it! Once again, I can only imagine. (Genesis chapter 6, 7,8,9) Barrenness drove Sarai, Rachel and Hannah to pull extreme stunts. Sarai going as far as upgrading her servant’s status to co-wife and imagine what happened when the said servant became pregnant by her husband, the same man she’d been having sex with for decades without success! (Genesis 16). Similarly, Hannah watched her husband impregnant her co-wife over and again while she (the most loved) remained infertile. Bible records in 1 Samuel 1: 10 that “Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.” The impact of such trauma in Hannah’s life was evident by priest Eli’s accusation ( 1 Samuel 1: 14). How can I conclude this writeup without the mention of Mary, the mother of Jesus! The horror to watch your son suspended in the air by several inches of nails in his hands and feet! Yes, she knew He was the Savior, she knew He was special, unlike the rest of her children. Still, no mother is ever prepared for such event! Again, the Bible does not discuss her mental state during and after these dark moments in the history of the world but we can only imagine that Mary stayed in bed most of those three days after Jesus had died, crying until tears dried from her eyes. The emotional toll it must have taken even long after Jesus ascended to heaven. Ever ponder about that? Amazingly, the stories of these women did not end in sorry or depression or sadness. That’s the beauty; knowing that God loves us and sees whatever we are going through. That’s why Bible verses such as Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 have a special hold on my heart. Each woman identified in this article laughed in the end: Eve gave birth to so more sons and daughters. Noah’s wife and her family survived the colossal wipeout and set their feet, once again, on dry earth! Sarai (later called Sarah) gave birth to her own child, a son for her husband! Rachel whom Jacob loved very much gave birth to two children as well! Hannah of course gave birth to Samuel, a son better than ten sons! Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus also had other sons and forever known as The Mother of our Savior! Are you a woman reading this piece and wondering why you’re going through whatever it is you’re going through, let me encourage you with this: I am on this same ship with you. You might be in the deeper end of the struggle just as I once was, and I’ll be honest, it was really dark and scary. You feel alone, lost, anxious with no ability to pray. Remember how Hannah was described? In deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed onto the Lord; yet literally, no words proceeded from her lips. Here’s my step by step guide to come out of that deep end: If in a crisis, Text “NAMI” to 741741 Call/Text: (202) 304-8793 or Email: olatundebola2017@yahoo.com Schedule an appointment with your primary care doctor Request for PHQ9 assessment Request at least two weeks or few days wellness time-off from work Call National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Depression or 1-800- 950 - NAMI (6264) Find a Support Person or Group to confidentially speak about the situation. Pray: simply dialogue with God. The only formula for praying is the Lord’s Prayer and its as simple as talking to a friend. There’s no need for perfection during this dialogue. Shalom
By Latunde Bolarinwa 09 May, 2021
Motherhood isn’t just a role, it’s a destiny that starts the moment your heart, without warning, connects with another heart—usually a tiny beating heart that flutters in your stomach. For mothers who begin this destiny in-utero, your heart sings a different tune towards this unknown being slowing invading your internals. For most, it’s a happy tune, an indescribable happiness mixed with mild anxiety over the safety of this invader. Day after day, week and after week, you begin to realize that it’s your destiny to provide a safe haven for this foreigner until its arrival into this cruel world. For mothers who begin this destiny ex-utero, you’re equally preparing for a role unlike any other. Your heart sings differently than ever before, a mixture of happiness and anxiety over acceptance, connection and so much more. There’s a constant silent question in the back of every mother’s head: do I have what it takes to raise this individual? This isn’t a question of financial competencies, though that too is important. This question is at the very core, a question of fulfilling her destiny of Motherhood.
By Latunde Onabajo 03 May, 2021
By design, the human body has limitations, even if at its healthiest. For example, we can only bend our arms so far before snapping the bones into two. Or the fact that the muscles of the feet are designed to grow tired after long hours of walk/running or general activities. These aren’t necessarily negative limitations; they simply the body’s way of protecting itself from breaking down to beyond repair.
By Latunde Onabajo 25 Feb, 2021
“Then He said to the woman, ‘I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 NLT)
By Latunde Onabajo 16 Feb, 2021
Have you ever experienced orgasm?
By Latunde Onabajo 26 Jan, 2021
Genesis 2: 16-17 ; Genesis 3: 1-24
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