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The Melting Point (Long read but totally worth it)

My Personal Experience...


     On October 31, 2019, I went to my primary care physician (PCP) and broke down in her office. I cried like I hadn’t done in a long time. What caused the rivers of tears to flow? Stress! Feeling overwhelmed, physically tired and ready to throw in the towel! I was given the PHQ-9 assessment questionnaire which measures the severity of depression in a person. Let me tell you, I scored high and was diagnosed with an Acute Depressive Episode. I was not surprised! In fact, I recognized the symptoms ever before walking through the door of my doctor’s office. I have over nine years of professional experience as a care coordinator in a mental health nonprofit organization. 

     I had recognized the symptoms for a few months but a part of me thought it was better to pray and fast. A part of me thought it was better to keep pushing through life, through work, through motherhood, marriage and church membership. Sadly, I pushed through and into depression. I pushed through until I broke down and almost ended it all. I would be lying if I deny that I thought about suicide. It crossed my mind but I knew then, and know now that suicide is not the answer. It is not in God’s plan to end my life. Still, knowing God’s plan didn’t stop depression from creeping into my life.

     It is interesting that as a care coordinator, my message to my beloved clients was “please talk to me or someone when you feel sad, depressed or suicidal.” My clients were free to call my phone any day, any time when they felt that way. So why did I ignore my own advice? Why didn’t I call someone and share my struggles the moment I first noticed them? Why did I allow the symptoms linger to the point that my life was significantly impacted?

     I didn’t speak up earlier because I thought that I needed to hide my inadequacies. People can’t know this or that about me! I can’t be labeled as someone in a mental health crisis! This can’t be that and that can’t be this…Excuse! Excuses!! Excuses!!! To my own detriment!

     As Christians, there’s a sense of “everything must be perfect in my life” whereas, God did not promise perfection on this side of eternity! In fact, in the words of Jesus our Lord: “Here on this earth, you will have many trials and sorrows, but be of good cheer because I have overcome the world!” (John 16:33). So what gives the false sense of exclusion from trials and sorrow when Jesus never promised such?

     Thank God I finally spoke up. Thank God I came to my senses and remembered my advice. Thank God I called off from work, went to my doctor and got that two week sick leave certificate. I didn’t get paid for those two weeks but guess what? My health is worth significantly much more than two weeks pay (and it’s substantial ya’ll).

     We make excuses to work, work and work! We tell ourselves these lies crafted from the pit of hell that we cannot take a sick day or days off because of the bills (insert whatever you need money for here). The truth is that we desire money mostly for our WANTS not our NEEDS! You think about it. Even our NEEDS, how much of it have we told ourselves we deserve and how much of it do we really need to survive? Deeply think about this.

     We run around, stress and enslave ourselves to societal standards to live in the best house and drive the latest car. Sometimes, it’s the idea to work hard and save for our retirement (who’s to say living until retirement is guaranteed?) so we work and work, push and push through. Perhaps, these are my self-imposed notions that almost sent me overboard!      If this is unique to me, then I’m glad I’m speaking up and reminding my future self to consider my health more important than wealth or retirement savings! If I drop dead today, of what use is my retirement savings to me? (Please note that I’m not against saving for the future, please do so responsibly). 

     I hope I’m not preaching just to the choir but to the whole congregation. I hope there folks reading this and thinking Yo! She’s speaking to me. If there is someone out there experiencing an overwhelming sense of pressure, stress and tiredness from the run-around of life and thinking will this ever stop? Should I just end it all?  No, please don’t end it all! Yes, it can stop now. You can seek help. Reassess what’s truly important in your life. Find a confidential and competent person to speak with. God bless my PCP. After she prescribed medications and treatment, she took my hands and prayed comforting words into my life. Read again: My doctor took my hands and prayed with me! In the United States of America! (She’s taking referrals if you need her number…LOL). You may not want to visit your PCP, you may prefer speaking to your best friend or someone anonymously; just please speak out your struggles and I can assure you help is right around the corner. 

     It’s about time we stop chasing after the wind. It’s about time we spend everyday focused on what truly matters as the Bible intended: Living for God’s Pleasure! I don’t fully comprehend what Living for God’s pleasure entails but this much I know: It is wrapped in peace and calm for the mind and soul. This is the new journey I am determined to embark upon.

     Am I “cured” of the Acute Depressive Episode? Yes. 
     Are there days I feel like hiding under my blanket? Absolutely yes! 
     Am I in a better frame of mind since taking time off work to reassess what’s truly important? A resounding Yassssssss! I am so much better that I’ve committed to a monthly personal retreat where I can refresh my soul before its Maker.
     While you may not be availed to taking extended time off work or schedule a monthly personal retreat, the truth is that we human beings ALWAYS make time for what’s important to them. 
Please ask yourself: What’s most important to me? 

Shalom.


Do you need to talk to someone anonymously, please contact me through the lavenderme.com contact link.


By Latunde Bolarinwa 24 Jun, 2021
Isn’t it interesting that when you conduct a google search for list of women who struggled with depression or mental illness in the Bible, the list usually consists of men and perhaps one or two women at most. Some might argue it’s because the Bible was mostly patriarchal; however, pages of Scripture are littered with stories of women…strong women who at one point in their lives endured the strains of a mental illness, whether short or long-lived. Mental Health is such a vital aspect of humanity. What makes us human isn’t merely our physical health and spiritual health. Without our mental health, we are incomplete. So it baffles me that we rarely speak about this aspect of our lives. What’s even more shocking is the stigma we (humans) place on those who struggle with an ill-health in the mental aspect of their humanity. Why is that? As I’ve always asked, if someone is diagnosed with cancer or diabetes, or high blood pressure or tooth cavity, or congestive heart failure, or found in spiritual ill-health such as lying, stealing, fornication, adultery, etc., do we automatically stigmatize those with these types of illnesses? Or do we empathize with and encourage them to seek appropriate treatment? I think most of us fall into the latter category. In the same token, those struggling with mental ill-health deserve such empathy rather than stigmatization. While the Bible describes many individuals dealing with all manners of mental illness, I want to share a few women and their plights: From the first few pages of the Bible, we read about the first family, their dysfunctions and shortcomings. Eve certainly must have endured Major Depression when her first son murdered her second son in cold blood. Then to watch that same first son being cursed and made a wanderer on earth (essentially becoming homeless, aimless and hopeless)! Many of us may not consider what Eve must have endured and though the Bible does not explicitly explain this either, we get a glimpse from the meaning of the name of another son she birthed: Seth means, “God has granted another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed.” What a trauma! (Genesis chapter 4). We don’t know Noah’s wife’s name but we are familiar with the experience their family endured—worldwide, colossal wipeout! Imagine being the wife of a man that received the task to build a world class ark/ship/boat/yacht/submarine or whatever you want to call it! Once again, I can only imagine. (Genesis chapter 6, 7,8,9) Barrenness drove Sarai, Rachel and Hannah to pull extreme stunts. Sarai going as far as upgrading her servant’s status to co-wife and imagine what happened when the said servant became pregnant by her husband, the same man she’d been having sex with for decades without success! (Genesis 16). Similarly, Hannah watched her husband impregnant her co-wife over and again while she (the most loved) remained infertile. Bible records in 1 Samuel 1: 10 that “Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.” The impact of such trauma in Hannah’s life was evident by priest Eli’s accusation ( 1 Samuel 1: 14). How can I conclude this writeup without the mention of Mary, the mother of Jesus! The horror to watch your son suspended in the air by several inches of nails in his hands and feet! Yes, she knew He was the Savior, she knew He was special, unlike the rest of her children. Still, no mother is ever prepared for such event! Again, the Bible does not discuss her mental state during and after these dark moments in the history of the world but we can only imagine that Mary stayed in bed most of those three days after Jesus had died, crying until tears dried from her eyes. The emotional toll it must have taken even long after Jesus ascended to heaven. Ever ponder about that? Amazingly, the stories of these women did not end in sorry or depression or sadness. That’s the beauty; knowing that God loves us and sees whatever we are going through. That’s why Bible verses such as Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 have a special hold on my heart. Each woman identified in this article laughed in the end: Eve gave birth to so more sons and daughters. Noah’s wife and her family survived the colossal wipeout and set their feet, once again, on dry earth! Sarai (later called Sarah) gave birth to her own child, a son for her husband! Rachel whom Jacob loved very much gave birth to two children as well! Hannah of course gave birth to Samuel, a son better than ten sons! Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus also had other sons and forever known as The Mother of our Savior! Are you a woman reading this piece and wondering why you’re going through whatever it is you’re going through, let me encourage you with this: I am on this same ship with you. You might be in the deeper end of the struggle just as I once was, and I’ll be honest, it was really dark and scary. You feel alone, lost, anxious with no ability to pray. Remember how Hannah was described? In deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed onto the Lord; yet literally, no words proceeded from her lips. Here’s my step by step guide to come out of that deep end: If in a crisis, Text “NAMI” to 741741 Call/Text: (202) 304-8793 or Email: olatundebola2017@yahoo.com Schedule an appointment with your primary care doctor Request for PHQ9 assessment Request at least two weeks or few days wellness time-off from work Call National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Depression or 1-800- 950 - NAMI (6264) Find a Support Person or Group to confidentially speak about the situation. Pray: simply dialogue with God. The only formula for praying is the Lord’s Prayer and its as simple as talking to a friend. There’s no need for perfection during this dialogue. Shalom
By Latunde Bolarinwa 09 May, 2021
Motherhood isn’t just a role, it’s a destiny that starts the moment your heart, without warning, connects with another heart—usually a tiny beating heart that flutters in your stomach. For mothers who begin this destiny in-utero, your heart sings a different tune towards this unknown being slowing invading your internals. For most, it’s a happy tune, an indescribable happiness mixed with mild anxiety over the safety of this invader. Day after day, week and after week, you begin to realize that it’s your destiny to provide a safe haven for this foreigner until its arrival into this cruel world. For mothers who begin this destiny ex-utero, you’re equally preparing for a role unlike any other. Your heart sings differently than ever before, a mixture of happiness and anxiety over acceptance, connection and so much more. There’s a constant silent question in the back of every mother’s head: do I have what it takes to raise this individual? This isn’t a question of financial competencies, though that too is important. This question is at the very core, a question of fulfilling her destiny of Motherhood.
By Latunde Onabajo 03 May, 2021
By design, the human body has limitations, even if at its healthiest. For example, we can only bend our arms so far before snapping the bones into two. Or the fact that the muscles of the feet are designed to grow tired after long hours of walk/running or general activities. These aren’t necessarily negative limitations; they simply the body’s way of protecting itself from breaking down to beyond repair.
By Latunde Onabajo 25 Feb, 2021
“Then He said to the woman, ‘I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 NLT)
By Latunde Onabajo 16 Feb, 2021
Have you ever experienced orgasm?
By Latunde Onabajo 26 Jan, 2021
Genesis 2: 16-17 ; Genesis 3: 1-24
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