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Nothing To Lose, Plenty To Gain

     When you share a deep secret, it’s almost impossible to not feel exposed like one’s dirty laundry, spread outside for the world to see the stains and tears. It’s the same with openly sharing one’s struggle with mental illness. Being vulnerable is at times uncomfortable; the fear: “What if people never look at me the same way?” What if they share my secret with another person?” What if they think I’m crazy all the time” and worse of, “what if they stop associating with me?” These are legit fears that can paralyze one’s self esteem, in addition to the struggles already been fought internally.


     On Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, Psychological Needs ranks second after Basic Needs. While the Hierarchy can interchange at times, for most human beings, the Basic Needs for food, water, rest, warmth, security and safety and the Need for Belongingness and Love remain at the top of the pyramid.

So when this Need for Belongingness and Love is threatened by an intruder—think trauma, physical disability, mental illness, sexual abuse/assault, etc—there is a sense of inadequacy or brokenness that leads to biased thought processes along the line of, “I can’t be loved”, I’m not normal”, ‘I can’t live life to the fullest”, I’m broken or dysfunctional”, I’m not perfect”, “No one will accept me”, etc. These thoughts can have lasting damaging effects, lead to suicidal attempts and painfully, in some cases, fatality.

Marlow's Older Model Vs. Newer Model that includes Cognitive Needs and Transcendence

     One of the reasons I’m in love with God Almighty, the One who created me, Jesus, my Lord and Savior and the Holy Spirit, my comforter and friend is the FACT that ever before I was conceived, they made provision for all of me: body, soul, spirit, and mind. They knew that at a particular point on the spectrum of time, I would face some debilitating life situations that will shake my core, my faith and purpose. So they ensured inspiring Words were written by imperfect human beings who also endured debilitating life situations.


     The Living Word of God, the Bible contains inscriptions that will literally speak to EVERY single area of your life. It doesn’t matter if you believe it or not. It’s such as encompassing Book that to ignore the words therein can be likened to choosing to walk around your house in the dark knowing fully well that one flicker of a switch will drive the darkness away. An example is Apostle Paul who, despite his amazing ministry, openly expressed his struggle in II Corinthians 12:5 - 10:


5That experience is worth boasting about, but I’m not going to do it. I will boast only about my weaknesses.

 6If I wanted to boast, I would be no fool in doing so, because I would be telling the truth. But I won’t do it,

because I don’t want anyone to give me credit beyond what they can see in my life or hear in my message,

 7even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God.

So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger

from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.

8Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 

9Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”

So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

 10That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses and in the insults, hardships, persecutions,

 and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”


     While Paul didn’t specify the “thorn”, I believe this was deliberate so we can all insert our “thorns” in this passage and know that God’s grace is absolutely sufficient for us as we seek treatment. The loss that occurs when we speak to the right person—medical personnel, therapist, supportive peer/friend or family—about the “thorns in the flesh” is the burden of shame and fear we’ve carried with us for so long.


     Therefore, I want to encourage you, dear brothers and sisters, friends and family not to cradle the fear of losing yourself when you seek help for your mental health but have this conviction that you gain so much more when you are free from sadness, sorrow, irritability, foggy mind, loneliness, agitation, lack of motivation, low esteem, low sex drive, etc.


     As your sister, friend, and supportive peer on this journey called life, I can boldly share that there’s nothing to lose from taking care of yourself as best as possible; there's nothing to lose from saying NO to anyone (including family members) when you feel even the slightest tingle of overwhelm; there's nothing to lose by speaking with a counselor who can help identify the triggers/symptoms and how to address them; there's nothing to lose when you ask God to send helpers who can help remove or lessen the burden. Dear friend, there's nothing to lose but plenty to gain.


Shalom


By Latunde Bolarinwa June 24, 2021
Isn’t it interesting that when you conduct a google search for list of women who struggled with depression or mental illness in the Bible, the list usually consists of men and perhaps one or two women at most. Some might argue it’s because the Bible was mostly patriarchal; however, pages of Scripture are littered with stories of women…strong women who at one point in their lives endured the strains of a mental illness, whether short or long-lived. Mental Health is such a vital aspect of humanity. What makes us human isn’t merely our physical health and spiritual health. Without our mental health, we are incomplete. So it baffles me that we rarely speak about this aspect of our lives. What’s even more shocking is the stigma we (humans) place on those who struggle with an ill-health in the mental aspect of their humanity. Why is that? As I’ve always asked, if someone is diagnosed with cancer or diabetes, or high blood pressure or tooth cavity, or congestive heart failure, or found in spiritual ill-health such as lying, stealing, fornication, adultery, etc., do we automatically stigmatize those with these types of illnesses? Or do we empathize with and encourage them to seek appropriate treatment? I think most of us fall into the latter category. In the same token, those struggling with mental ill-health deserve such empathy rather than stigmatization. While the Bible describes many individuals dealing with all manners of mental illness, I want to share a few women and their plights: From the first few pages of the Bible, we read about the first family, their dysfunctions and shortcomings. Eve certainly must have endured Major Depression when her first son murdered her second son in cold blood. Then to watch that same first son being cursed and made a wanderer on earth (essentially becoming homeless, aimless and hopeless)! Many of us may not consider what Eve must have endured and though the Bible does not explicitly explain this either, we get a glimpse from the meaning of the name of another son she birthed: Seth means, “God has granted another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed.” What a trauma! (Genesis chapter 4). We don’t know Noah’s wife’s name but we are familiar with the experience their family endured—worldwide, colossal wipeout! Imagine being the wife of a man that received the task to build a world class ark/ship/boat/yacht/submarine or whatever you want to call it! Once again, I can only imagine. (Genesis chapter 6, 7,8,9) Barrenness drove Sarai, Rachel and Hannah to pull extreme stunts. Sarai going as far as upgrading her servant’s status to co-wife and imagine what happened when the said servant became pregnant by her husband, the same man she’d been having sex with for decades without success! (Genesis 16). Similarly, Hannah watched her husband impregnant her co-wife over and again while she (the most loved) remained infertile. Bible records in 1 Samuel 1: 10 that “Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.” The impact of such trauma in Hannah’s life was evident by priest Eli’s accusation ( 1 Samuel 1: 14). How can I conclude this writeup without the mention of Mary, the mother of Jesus! The horror to watch your son suspended in the air by several inches of nails in his hands and feet! Yes, she knew He was the Savior, she knew He was special, unlike the rest of her children. Still, no mother is ever prepared for such event! Again, the Bible does not discuss her mental state during and after these dark moments in the history of the world but we can only imagine that Mary stayed in bed most of those three days after Jesus had died, crying until tears dried from her eyes. The emotional toll it must have taken even long after Jesus ascended to heaven. Ever ponder about that? Amazingly, the stories of these women did not end in sorry or depression or sadness. That’s the beauty; knowing that God loves us and sees whatever we are going through. That’s why Bible verses such as Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 have a special hold on my heart. Each woman identified in this article laughed in the end: Eve gave birth to so more sons and daughters. Noah’s wife and her family survived the colossal wipeout and set their feet, once again, on dry earth! Sarai (later called Sarah) gave birth to her own child, a son for her husband! Rachel whom Jacob loved very much gave birth to two children as well! Hannah of course gave birth to Samuel, a son better than ten sons! Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus also had other sons and forever known as The Mother of our Savior! Are you a woman reading this piece and wondering why you’re going through whatever it is you’re going through, let me encourage you with this: I am on this same ship with you. You might be in the deeper end of the struggle just as I once was, and I’ll be honest, it was really dark and scary. You feel alone, lost, anxious with no ability to pray. Remember how Hannah was described? In deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed onto the Lord; yet literally, no words proceeded from her lips. Here’s my step by step guide to come out of that deep end: If in a crisis, Text “NAMI” to 741741 Call/Text: (202) 304-8793 or Email: olatundebola2017@yahoo.com Schedule an appointment with your primary care doctor Request for PHQ9 assessment Request at least two weeks or few days wellness time-off from work Call National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Depression or 1-800- 950 - NAMI (6264) Find a Support Person or Group to confidentially speak about the situation. Pray: simply dialogue with God. The only formula for praying is the Lord’s Prayer and its as simple as talking to a friend. There’s no need for perfection during this dialogue. Shalom
By Latunde Bolarinwa May 9, 2021
Motherhood isn’t just a role, it’s a destiny that starts the moment your heart, without warning, connects with another heart—usually a tiny beating heart that flutters in your stomach. For mothers who begin this destiny in-utero, your heart sings a different tune towards this unknown being slowing invading your internals. For most, it’s a happy tune, an indescribable happiness mixed with mild anxiety over the safety of this invader. Day after day, week and after week, you begin to realize that it’s your destiny to provide a safe haven for this foreigner until its arrival into this cruel world. For mothers who begin this destiny ex-utero, you’re equally preparing for a role unlike any other. Your heart sings differently than ever before, a mixture of happiness and anxiety over acceptance, connection and so much more. There’s a constant silent question in the back of every mother’s head: do I have what it takes to raise this individual? This isn’t a question of financial competencies, though that too is important. This question is at the very core, a question of fulfilling her destiny of Motherhood.
By Latunde Onabajo May 3, 2021
By design, the human body has limitations, even if at its healthiest. For example, we can only bend our arms so far before snapping the bones into two. Or the fact that the muscles of the feet are designed to grow tired after long hours of walk/running or general activities. These aren’t necessarily negative limitations; they simply the body’s way of protecting itself from breaking down to beyond repair.
By Latunde Onabajo February 25, 2021
“Then He said to the woman, ‘I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 NLT)
By Latunde Onabajo February 16, 2021
Have you ever experienced orgasm?
By Latunde Onabajo January 26, 2021
Genesis 2: 16-17 ; Genesis 3: 1-24
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