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God’s daughter and self care

Self-Care Is Not Selfish

Get that leg rub, girl! Matter of fact, get that whole body rub cos you're worth it!

A few years ago, I was invited to speak to a group of women about self-care. For years, I've been an advocate of this phenomenon though I didn't always follow my advice until recently. 

Self-care is an intentional act of nurturing yourself spiritually, physically, emotionally, intellectually and other ally you can think of. Nurturing yourself kinda sounds selfish, doesn't it? If you answered yes, I want you to raise your right hand and repeat: Nurturing myself IS NOT selfish (3x).  And if you answered a resounding NO, I'm sending a virtual high-five your way!

Women generally are born with an innate desire to nurture others. Countless stories of women who've cared for their husbands, children, extended family members and friends until those women dropped...dead! Sad but true.

Self-care is about consciously attending to yourself, intimately paying attention to your body as you would your bank account. Self-care is about treating our body more kindly than you would your red bottoms and lace front wigs. Self-care is imperative for a balanced, Christ-centered life. 

I discovered that self-care can be as cheap and expensive as you allow. Many times, women are waiting for that perfect time to take that perfect vacation with that perfect partner! Girl, you could be waiting long! But for those who are curious and want to take baby steps, here are some ways to get started:

a. Watch nature: Right now as you're reading this, schedule a date on your phone calendar to watch the sunset. Program at least one evening in a month to watch the sun go down the horizon. Now select a date for the next 12 months. Congratulations! You've just scheduled 12 nurturing sessions for the year. Yaaay!

b. Get enough sleep: As a mom of young children, I  can attest to how difficult practicing this. Repeat after me: This. Phase. Shall. Soon. Pass (3x while rocking your body). While we're collectively navigating this eternal phase, I'm curious to hear how moms manage to catch up on their beauty rests. (Share in the comment section below). Some moms take a weekend vacation in nearby hotels to sleep, Netflix and chill.

c. Practice breathing exercises: Did you know that most human beings don't breathe properly? Most of us take shallow breathes from our nostrils rather than from our diaphragms. Inhale deeply through your nostrils into your chest and diaphragms, hold for 7 seconds and exhale through your mouth slowly for at least 11 seconds. It's called the 7:11 breathing exercise. It helps move oxygen around the body and relaxes the body.

e. Warm Bath/soak with Lavender/essential oils: This one is my personal favorite. Lavender (if you didn't already guess) is my favorite essential oil. This mamajama just oozes all kinds of appeal, it calms and sends your olfactory senses on a peaceful journey. You can purchase a small but mighty bottle of this potion for less than an overly priced cup of Joe. 

f. Journaling: Another favorite of mine. It cost a pen, paper and your closet so those adorable eyes can't find you for a few minutes to download your thoughts. World-changing ideas are regularly birthed in the place of journaling.

g. Listen/dance to music: You don't even need to move like Jagger or like the music but it helps to know the lyrics of what you're moving to. This is practically free.

h. Plant a garden or house plant: Okay, not everyone has a green thumb. I killed every plant I was previously given until I learned that plants are like children too. They require attention and love. They want to hear your voice but you know what's best about them? They don't talk back at you. They just love you by releasing oxygen into your environment. What a deal!

i. Learn something new: A new language? Any takers? What about French? Oui! Oui!! Oui!!!

Spiritual Self-Care 
The aforementioned nuggets are good but are eternally meaningless if your personal relationship with God sits on a 3-legged stool. Sooner or later, this life will end and it's our relationship with God that gets us through eternity because Humanity is too complex to end after death!  The Bible gives us an open access to life on the other side of eternity so dear readers, please make the Bible the most important book you'll ever love after which, love yourself endlessly.

Shalom.

By Latunde Bolarinwa June 24, 2021
Isn’t it interesting that when you conduct a google search for list of women who struggled with depression or mental illness in the Bible, the list usually consists of men and perhaps one or two women at most. Some might argue it’s because the Bible was mostly patriarchal; however, pages of Scripture are littered with stories of women…strong women who at one point in their lives endured the strains of a mental illness, whether short or long-lived. Mental Health is such a vital aspect of humanity. What makes us human isn’t merely our physical health and spiritual health. Without our mental health, we are incomplete. So it baffles me that we rarely speak about this aspect of our lives. What’s even more shocking is the stigma we (humans) place on those who struggle with an ill-health in the mental aspect of their humanity. Why is that? As I’ve always asked, if someone is diagnosed with cancer or diabetes, or high blood pressure or tooth cavity, or congestive heart failure, or found in spiritual ill-health such as lying, stealing, fornication, adultery, etc., do we automatically stigmatize those with these types of illnesses? Or do we empathize with and encourage them to seek appropriate treatment? I think most of us fall into the latter category. In the same token, those struggling with mental ill-health deserve such empathy rather than stigmatization. While the Bible describes many individuals dealing with all manners of mental illness, I want to share a few women and their plights: From the first few pages of the Bible, we read about the first family, their dysfunctions and shortcomings. Eve certainly must have endured Major Depression when her first son murdered her second son in cold blood. Then to watch that same first son being cursed and made a wanderer on earth (essentially becoming homeless, aimless and hopeless)! Many of us may not consider what Eve must have endured and though the Bible does not explicitly explain this either, we get a glimpse from the meaning of the name of another son she birthed: Seth means, “God has granted another son in place of Abel, whom Cain killed.” What a trauma! (Genesis chapter 4). We don’t know Noah’s wife’s name but we are familiar with the experience their family endured—worldwide, colossal wipeout! Imagine being the wife of a man that received the task to build a world class ark/ship/boat/yacht/submarine or whatever you want to call it! Once again, I can only imagine. (Genesis chapter 6, 7,8,9) Barrenness drove Sarai, Rachel and Hannah to pull extreme stunts. Sarai going as far as upgrading her servant’s status to co-wife and imagine what happened when the said servant became pregnant by her husband, the same man she’d been having sex with for decades without success! (Genesis 16). Similarly, Hannah watched her husband impregnant her co-wife over and again while she (the most loved) remained infertile. Bible records in 1 Samuel 1: 10 that “Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.” The impact of such trauma in Hannah’s life was evident by priest Eli’s accusation ( 1 Samuel 1: 14). How can I conclude this writeup without the mention of Mary, the mother of Jesus! The horror to watch your son suspended in the air by several inches of nails in his hands and feet! Yes, she knew He was the Savior, she knew He was special, unlike the rest of her children. Still, no mother is ever prepared for such event! Again, the Bible does not discuss her mental state during and after these dark moments in the history of the world but we can only imagine that Mary stayed in bed most of those three days after Jesus had died, crying until tears dried from her eyes. The emotional toll it must have taken even long after Jesus ascended to heaven. Ever ponder about that? Amazingly, the stories of these women did not end in sorry or depression or sadness. That’s the beauty; knowing that God loves us and sees whatever we are going through. That’s why Bible verses such as Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:11 have a special hold on my heart. Each woman identified in this article laughed in the end: Eve gave birth to so more sons and daughters. Noah’s wife and her family survived the colossal wipeout and set their feet, once again, on dry earth! Sarai (later called Sarah) gave birth to her own child, a son for her husband! Rachel whom Jacob loved very much gave birth to two children as well! Hannah of course gave birth to Samuel, a son better than ten sons! Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus also had other sons and forever known as The Mother of our Savior! Are you a woman reading this piece and wondering why you’re going through whatever it is you’re going through, let me encourage you with this: I am on this same ship with you. You might be in the deeper end of the struggle just as I once was, and I’ll be honest, it was really dark and scary. You feel alone, lost, anxious with no ability to pray. Remember how Hannah was described? In deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed onto the Lord; yet literally, no words proceeded from her lips. Here’s my step by step guide to come out of that deep end: If in a crisis, Text “NAMI” to 741741 Call/Text: (202) 304-8793 or Email: olatundebola2017@yahoo.com Schedule an appointment with your primary care doctor Request for PHQ9 assessment Request at least two weeks or few days wellness time-off from work Call National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) https://www.nami.org/About-Mental-Illness/Mental-Health-Conditions/Depression or 1-800- 950 - NAMI (6264) Find a Support Person or Group to confidentially speak about the situation. Pray: simply dialogue with God. The only formula for praying is the Lord’s Prayer and its as simple as talking to a friend. There’s no need for perfection during this dialogue. Shalom
By Latunde Bolarinwa May 9, 2021
Motherhood isn’t just a role, it’s a destiny that starts the moment your heart, without warning, connects with another heart—usually a tiny beating heart that flutters in your stomach. For mothers who begin this destiny in-utero, your heart sings a different tune towards this unknown being slowing invading your internals. For most, it’s a happy tune, an indescribable happiness mixed with mild anxiety over the safety of this invader. Day after day, week and after week, you begin to realize that it’s your destiny to provide a safe haven for this foreigner until its arrival into this cruel world. For mothers who begin this destiny ex-utero, you’re equally preparing for a role unlike any other. Your heart sings differently than ever before, a mixture of happiness and anxiety over acceptance, connection and so much more. There’s a constant silent question in the back of every mother’s head: do I have what it takes to raise this individual? This isn’t a question of financial competencies, though that too is important. This question is at the very core, a question of fulfilling her destiny of Motherhood.
By Latunde Onabajo May 3, 2021
By design, the human body has limitations, even if at its healthiest. For example, we can only bend our arms so far before snapping the bones into two. Or the fact that the muscles of the feet are designed to grow tired after long hours of walk/running or general activities. These aren’t necessarily negative limitations; they simply the body’s way of protecting itself from breaking down to beyond repair.
By Latunde Onabajo February 25, 2021
“Then He said to the woman, ‘I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16 NLT)
By Latunde Onabajo February 16, 2021
Have you ever experienced orgasm?
By Latunde Onabajo January 26, 2021
Genesis 2: 16-17 ; Genesis 3: 1-24
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